Cereal Killers

In the early mornings of stock and load, men's minds wonder. Running on few hours of sleep and fueled by high doses of caffeine, one's mind will stray into the very depths of the unknown and unthinkable. Fluorescent lighting seems to beat down upon the backs of the drones while monotonous duties fill the hours. The only way to stay sane in this sunless world is to keep the mind active, as such, topics of rare discussion begin to grow.

If we could escape this world of never-ending shelves to the realm of the unimaginable, we may be able to answer; "Who is the toughest breakfast cereal icon?"
A question we've all passed over, but what is the answer? To begin, we must exclude all "off brand" mascots, for they are but pictures, the name brand characters have personalities, spirit, and unique traits that generations have come to idolize.

Over mornings upon mornings of seeing these characters, the answer has become clear. Count Chocula. Your arguments are welcomed, but let us first rationalize this decision.
The most obvious match up to the Count, is of course, Cap'n Crunch. He is a Cap'n, and challenging foe. He has a big hat, is armed with a sword, and above all he's on a ship. And possibly his greatest attribute is his greatest weakness, because logically thinking proves, why would Count Chocula be out at sea? And Cap'n Crunch wouldn't be caught dead on land, being left defenseless. In the caves, the Count wins. On the ship, the Cap'n has a chance, but the upper hand goes to Count with the fangs. A battle on a neutral site, hands down goes to the Count.

The next most competent challenger is none other than Tony the Tiger. This guy is an animal, literally and figuratively. Tony stands on his hind legs unlike most tigers, which gives him an edge. If I'd have to guess, he'd stand about 9.5 feet, and weigh in at about 400 pounds. Besides the pure strength, size, and agility, though, he's powerless. Count Chocula, we'd have to speculate, has all the powers of the average vampire, which makes this a close fight, but again the Count would be victorious.

After these two, the competition really falls off. As much as it pains me to say it, Lucky the Leprechaun wouldn't stand a chance. He may be able to escape danger, but in a WWE style fight, there's nowhere to run. Others may say Snap!, Crackle!, and Pop! could triple team the Count, and overpower him. This wouldn't happen, they are but children, no match for an age old vampire. And the rest of the breakfast crowd seems to hold nothing for a match either.

Mind you all, arguments are very much so encouraged, but through extensive research, I doubt a strong enough argument can knock Count Chocula off the top. This was restricted to only cold breakfast cereal characters, though. If we, say, open the competition to all of the consumable product mascots, undoubtedly the Jolly Green Giant would be king, but that's another discussion entirely. . .


All credit to this hot topic goes to Frank and Stephen, both of Target.